#batcest is best put your robin to the test

[benbamboozled]

Actually, in the spirit of “fandom should spark joy,” here’s a rec list of—

My top 10 favorite Batcest fics!

Some notes to remember:

—Obviously, they’ll be Jason Todd-centric, but if anyone wants to drop their fave other-bats recs, feel free!

—These are in no particular order, and the only standard is “my faves.”

—I’m sticking to fics I haven’t mentioned before.

—As always, PLEASE mind the tags! SERIOUSLY.

Now, let us begin with…

—the Props verse by sirenseven. Holy shit. This series KILLS me. It is, to me, THE quality standard for Bad Man Bruce Wayne fics. Essentially, the premise is, “What if Bruce Wayne actually were a sexual predator?” And, uh, it does NOT pull its punches. You know how I said “mind the tags” earlier? MIND THE FUCKING TAGS.

—All my roads lead to you by firefright. Absolutely one of my immediately go-to JayDick recs for people interested in the pairing. Heartbreaking and bittersweet in that particular Jason Todd way that makes you desperately wish everything hadn’t gone wrong.

—When It's You by MissNaya. BruJay get-together fic with hot porn and hot feelings. Also, daddy kink! Wheeee!

—strange fear i ain’t felt for years by Sister. The fic that got me into JayTim. Also, phone sex! One of my fave tropes! Why is there not more of this in Batcest fic??? They’re all commed up all the time!

—Only If For A Night by XYDamianKane. JayDick with Agent 37!Dick which means IDENTITY PORN! (The crowd goes wild!)

—it just takes practice by sneck. Damian needs some help going undercover at a sex club. He goes to his brothers for help, and help is enthusiastically provided. 😏

—Times Change by scandalsavage. BruJay time travel, Jay goes back in time and meets a Year 1 (I think?) Bruce! Which means…IDENTITY PORN!!!! And also a lack of the usual angst that accompanies BruJay, which is kinda fun!

—You want more and you want it fast by Runespoor. JayTim, Pre-Flashpoint, with a VERY fucked up Jason coming up with an interesting way to get into Tim’s pants (that is, dress up lol Babs!Batgirl).

—Sacrifice Your Self by meaninglessblah. So, I have mixed feelings on Batfam AUs. Sometimes it can be difficult to retain “hot and sticky” ties that bind them together. But this one—BruJay where Jay is Bruce’s apprentice in the League of Shadows is just…*mwah.*

—is that such a crime? by likewinning. BRUJAYDICK! BRUJAYDICK!!! Dick visits the manor after Jay takes over as Robin and puts some pieces together. (I. Love this fic. SO MUCH.)

(Oh yeah also I fully recommend everything else by these authors. Like, seriously, go nuts with their oeuvre if you haven’t already!)

[powerosewaterpuff]

there aren’t enough jason is the oldest brother au’s and now i’m going to make them. this is a alternation of my au where jason is the oldest but in this specific au dick was robin first instead of jason, and he meets 14 year old jason todd in crime alley and they become brothers. jason literally looks at this little 9 about to be 10 year old and is like why the actual fuck are you not home rn? you need to go home and sleep it’s past ur bedtime. have u been doing it homework? literally jason is like if the fucking batman doesn’t take care of this kid then i will, and just adopts this kid as his little brother. (dw this is a good parent bruce au bc canon bruce is a piece of shit and i hate him) so this is a snippet of that bc i’m so fucking bored. also batcest shippers are disgusting and i need u to not interact or follow me bc ew. fucking ew. THEY ARE SIBLINGS. SIBLINGS. anyways here’s a little snippet!

Jason was counting the amount of change he had socked away from countless pickpockets when he heard little footsteps tiptoe over the lid of the overfilled dumpster next to him. He glanced up, and couldn’t help but give a crooked smile as the tiny mesh of obtusely bright colours gave him an enthusiastic wave.

“Jay!” Robin exclaimed, hopping off of the lid and into Jason’s arms, no matter the dirt and grime that coated Jason like a second layer of skin. He never knew how Robin could stand hugging him, it was like hugging a mangy dog made up of knobbly bones and excitable fleas. Yet, without fail, Robin would curl into his arms and Jason felt like he had the only family he could ever dream of wrapped around his arms.

Jason gave Robin’s hair a little ruffle as he slipped his cigarette out of his mouth, pressing it against the jagged bricks behind him to put it out. He never really liked smoking in front of Robin, the kid was far too polite to vocalize his dislike but he could tell from the way his nose scrunched that it was an issue.

“Guess what happened today?” Robin hummed, biting down on his lower lip in excitement with his barely contained energy seeking through. Jason propped a hand onto his knee and raised a brow questioningly, with that Robin went off on his energetic little spiel.

“I got an A+ on the test! The one you helped me study for last week! I spent all night looking at those little cue cards, the ones from Sylvester’s Stationary? I had all your notes written on them and I just kept droning, on, and on, and on to get it all to stick in my head! Mr. Jansen thinks I cheated! Can you believe that? He thinks there’s no way I could get an A+, that he even reported me to the office! I had to do a redo test right in front of them and I still got an A+! Ha! Take that Mr. Jansen!”

Jason has concluded a long time ago that story time with Robin was the best part of his days. He could be battered and bruised but still smile when the little twerp went on about his day at school. It made him ache a bit, just a smidge, because he wanted to be there with him. He wanted to be at school with his little brother, cackling at teachers and pulling all-nighters for tests. It was a silly dream, an unachievable image that kept him warm when the mounds of snow threatened to freeze his veins. He would just imagine this silly little dream where he had bedsheets, food, warmth and a little brother in tow that lightened up all his minutes.

Robin kept chatting, getting more animated by the minute as Jason interjected a few snide comments here and there to tease him. It was hilarious to watch Robin wag his little finger and tell Jason to knock it off. Robin was just so tiny. Jason couldn’t fathom how Batman could have the conscience to send this child to face the dirty underbelly of Gotham every night. Jason knew if he saw the Bat, he’d punch him. He would lose, obviously, and break a few fingers but he wanted to do it nonetheless. He wanted to shake that stupid fucking Bat and tell him he needed to keep that child safe. That little spritz of fucking sunshine needed to be focusing on school, not roundhouse kicking mafia grunts in Crime Alley so that they would stop hurting some street kid who was going to run off with their hubcaps.

“Jay, where are you going to sleep tonight?” Robin murmured softly as he began to unfurl himself from the ground after a while.

“Where I always do,” Jason muttered, because he knew this game that Robin played. He would try so desperately to get Jason to get off the street, because he swore that he knew someone who would take him in. Jason would scoff at Robins innocence. Once again, who let this kid wander around unsupervised?

Robin would ask this question, in hopes that Jason would concede and follow him, but he never did. It was an idiotic matter of dull pride and an untrustworthy nature that has been sown within the fabrics of his skin. No one was safe. Fucking no one, especially not adults that presumably were alright with a child running around playing superhero. Jason knew better than that, even if Robin didn’t. It was fine, he didn’t want Robin to end up like him anyways. A cynical husk of a person, a ragged little gnat desperate to survive on the scarps he could scour. It was fucking embarrassing, frankly. It was embarrassing that the kid he now had to admit, he viewed as a little brother, was offering to take care of him.

“Is everything alright with you? Everything okay at home?” Jason questioned lowly. He has to ask, it would gnaw at him all night if he didn’t. It was a constant. Robin would ask where he was staying and Jason would ask if where Robin was staying was safe. It was a ritual of theirs. A constant.

Robin gave a little nod and smiled that bright grin, “I’m fine, Jay!”

He ran into Jason for one more hug, and Jason curled his arms around him tightly, pressing his cheek onto Robin’s fluffed hair.

“ Please stay safe, Jason. Promise me,” Robin huffed, peering up at him with those oddly expressive white lenses. Jason didn’t say anything, he would never make promises he couldn’t give to him but rather gave a rueful smile. He’s trying, at the very least. He could never promise, though. It would just be a lie.

They stood like that for a minute, two brothers enclosed in a hug. Then, a little beeper went off and the little bird was swinging from building to building, a hole of an unattended promise weighing on his mind

this is kinda awful but i needed to vomit this idea out, i might cultivate it into a story on ao3 who knows but yeah that’s all for me i’ve gotten invested back into the batfam so get ready for some more stuff! i’ve got so much shit in my drafts oh my god

[benbamboozled]

To clarify:

—However you choose to define “favorite.”

—Name order does not indicate top/bottom.

—List organized in order of partner’s age.

—Tumblr only lets you have 10 answers, and I wanted one for a “not listed” option and one for a “I just want to see the results”, otherwise I would have included more characters!

—If you choose “Something else” please tell me who it is!

[benbamboozled]

Blows my fucking mind that Batcest antis will be like “OMG HOW CAN YOU SHIP INCEST THAT IS ACTUAL INCEST” when like 1) easily 😎👉👉, and 2) HALF THE TIME CANONICALLY THEY AREN’T EVEN RELATED—NO, NOT EVEN BY ADOPTION!!

Like, bro, my beef is that canon keeps trying to cockblock my incest ships! I wish it were as “problematic��� as you guys insist it is!!! When the fuck did “unrelated coworkers” count as incest???

[benbamboozled]

Jason stared at the wall of moisturizers and wondered if he should have just grown a pair and asked Kory for guidance.

It isn’t like she doesn’t know about Jason’s sex snafus considering she was the one who gave him advice after the incident involving the *rug* Tim calls a torso. Hell, she was the one who pointed Jason towards Dick once she found out about Jason’s breeding kink (look there are only so many times a man can magically grow a pussy and get fucked pregnant without it unlocking something and Jason passed that like three situations ago).

Plus, well, Jason wants to do something nice for Dick after last week’s situation where Cassandra walked in on them fucking right when Dick called Jason “baby-sister” while Jason was wearing a modified Batgirl outfit and Dick didn’t stop even after she made her presence known. So really the least Jason can do is indulge Dick’s feet thing. With a sigh Jason texted Kory for advice, if he was going to do this he was gonna do it right.

YOU!!!

YOU JUST…

LEFT THIS HERE.

You didn’t even leave your name!!!

How will I know who to mouth-kiss in appreciation??

(I want more snafus! I want to know about Jason’s magical pussy misadventures!)

(Were they monster babies?? I love magic pregnant monster babies!)

TELL ME MORE ABOUT HAIRY TIM OMG!!!